Jokes With Magic

[StevenLevitt]

I need some jokes/funnylines, with a pack of cards, string, or green sponge balls.

For my course, they are expecting everyone to do a standup comedy act, and I thought I should include magic within mine. But I need some funny comments, or jokes related to what I could use. Please throw me any ideas :)

Thanks!

[Ajatustenlukija]

Rule #1: When doing stand-up comedy you make your own jokes! Even if you include magic.

[StevenLevitt]

I know, but I have a short time to be original. They have only given us a week, I have created my own original jokes, but I need more, and I need some inspiration!

[cenafreak0709]

you can say the spongeballs are italian meatballs, which is wierd cus im irish

[JPD]

For the sponge balls, say, "Squeeze my balls."

For string, Tell a spec to hold it straight up high and have some scissors. Say, "I'm gonna throw these scissors and cut it right in half, in mid air!"

[StevenLevitt]

Hehe keep them coming :)

[Guardian452]

im going to whip out my deck for you people
sir, settle down, i said deck

all the ball jokes go with spongeballs.

this is the string that will be used to kill some of you tonight *striaght face*............FROM AMAZEMENT!!!

[sourboarder]

I actually do this and some people laugh some people don't

take all the face cards out of the deck, and put a sharpie mark over the eyes, Without a doubt people will ask you about it, tell them "that the face have told the spectators how some of the tricks worked in the past." good for some kids, and tipsy adults.

The sponge balls, "Most sponge balls are red, but since I am environmental friendly, I've gone green."

take out the string and look around on the ground and start calling out "Wilfred.... Wilfred" like it was a leach to your pet mouse.

there you go, one for each.

[StevenLevitt]

You guys are great! :)

Keep them coming! Hehe

[audun123]

Say: i have som red balls here..
When they tell u they are green, say: Seriously? are you all color blind?
I'm not sure they are going to laugh tho.. :P

[SHANE BLACK]

OK Steve O her's the 411. All these will help you with your act.

http://www.wildcolombini.com/cart/index.php?cPath=3&sort=2a&page=1

Hope this helps,

Shane

[DannyT]

I think you should see some of "The Amazing Jonathan" shows. I'm pretty sure their on youtube. That should give you some inspiration, just don't try to steal his routine/lines.

Hope I helped you out.

[princehidalgo]

well heres a risky joke....

I have some green balls, its what guy smurfs get when someone ignores the do not disturb sign on the door.

and some not so risky

pull out the string, get a volunteer....girl would be better...."Now i saw a magician swallow a string and razorblades..and he pulls the string and they come back up......but thats not impressive enough...(timing) so I do with the volunteer (timing)..swallow this.....and these...pull out needles and razors. Wait for laughs....

when ya pull out the deck....you have to time this good....take out the cards....dribble them a few times...then point to the person in the back of the room and yell "CATCH!!" and fake throw them...if ya time it right peoplehearts will really get spooked and of course laugh in relief...

[StevenLevitt]

Thanks! I appreciate it.

[StevenLevitt]

*Another question*

Please can someone tell me some introducing jokes, and some goodbye jokes... Like a funny joke to introduce yourself at the start, and one to finish on?

[Shodan]

Study some old Tommy Cooper videos.

David Regal and Bill Malone have both put on their DVDs some funny "not really magic" tricks which would fit well into a comedy act - I'm sure once you see them you would be able to figure out your own approach.

[Aos]

1 word. Sankey.

[SHANE BLACK]

*Another question*

Please can someone tell me some introducing jokes, and some goodbye jokes... Like a funny joke to introduce yourself at the start, and one to finish on?

I gave you the resources now you need to go learn how to fish.

[Frodo]

I met a great sponge ball worker a while back who was absolutely hilarious, but you could see that it was so naturally it looked like he did'nt even think about what he was saying. Anyways he'd always make jokes that were perverted but hilarious in some way.

For sponge balls he use to be like you know I used to be shy but then I started playing with my balls and now whenever I meet a pretty girl I'm like "Hey would you like to see my balls, or watch me play with them exc." Then he'd say that his wife always gets angry about him taking so long in the mirror but he's like "Hey I'm playing with my balls, you know I like to watch myself in the mirror when I'm playing with my balls" Then he'd be like one day I went to a magic store to pick up some balls but they were all too small, and I only like big balls. He'd do retention vanishes and be like so can you feel my balls in your hand exc.

It might not work for your situation or if it's at school or something depending if your teachers cool or not, but the act was hilarious and everyone had a good time. Of course you can come up with your own lines but that's my quick suggestion to you to help you with your comedy. Hope this helps.